Measure for Measure Act IV, Scene iii Pompey
This speech is used in our interview with Aditi Kapil and Liz Engelman
Shakespeare:
I am as well acquainted here as I was in our house
of profession: one would think it were Mistress
Overdone’s own house, for here be many of her old
customers. First, here’s young Master Rash; he’s in
for a commodity of brown paper and old ginger,
ninescore and seventeen pounds; of which he made
five marks, ready money: marry, then ginger was not
much in request, for the old women were all dead.
Then is there here one Master Caper, at the suit of
Master Three-pile the mercer, for some four suits of
peach-coloured satin, which now peaches him a
beggar. Then have we here young Dizy, and young
Master Deep-vow, and Master Copperspur, and Master
Starve-lackey the rapier and dagger man, and young
Drop-heir that killed lusty Pudding, and Master
Forthlight the tilter, and brave Master Shooty the
great traveller, and wild Half-can that stabbed
Pots, and, I think, forty more; all great doers in
our trade, and are now ‘for the Lord’s sake.’
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Why I have as many good friends here as I did in our whorehouse. One would think this was Mistress Overdone’s very own establishment, for I see here sinners aplenty!
There I see Master Sub-Prime, made his bonuses selling houses made of paper, then he huffed and puffed and blew them down! The pigs, they caught him, and threw him down a well, and there he waits for his bail-out, promises as soon as you pull him out he’ll repay you in kind, open you a fake bank account or 12. Then there’s Master Shale Oil over there, he’ll stick his pipeline where he please be the lady willing or not, he’ll swear the condom won’t break, but he springs a leak every time! Mend your ways, Master Shale, our nation runs low on unpolluted women and drinking water alike! Master Shale’s not actually in jail, he’s just visiting his friend the banker who’s still down the well. Then we’ve got Master Weiner the texter, and young Master Porn-Hub. And there’s Master LoveGood killing in the name of life, while Master HateGood guards his yard with his 45! And Master Troll the Internet bully, and Master ‘Is this a roofie in my pocket or am I just happy to see you’, and fancy Master Elite the absentee liberal, and Master All-Lives-Matter tilting at windmills while his house burns, and I think I see forty more, all great doers in our trade, now crying in vain for the Lord’s aid!
